The HEMA Atlas and Guide ‘Great Desert Tracks contains useful practical advice about where to go. ‘One of the most obvious things missing from a bush camp is a toilet.’ ‘However,’ it goes on, ‘with some toilet paper and a shovel you’re fully prepared…’ For most conditions it seems. The advice continues. ‘Don’t forget to check regulations, too, as some areas stipulate you must have a chemical toilet.’
The thought of several litres of toxic chemicals and liquid poo sloshing around in the back of our vehicles is not one that fills me with joy. No amount of cargo barrier would prevent a nasty accident.
Further advice is even more interesting. ‘Dispose of used toilet paper by first burning it (don’t start a bushfire in the process) and then burying it’. The prospect of controlling flaming bits of turdy paper is equally off-putting. There is very sensible bushfire safety advice in just about every guidebook for remote Australia. Fire Danger ratings abound. So, we REALLY don’t want to go down this route if we can avoid it!
There must be a better way. We have dogs. Doggy do-bags are a familiar part of our life. So enter the human equivalent; the Spinifex Folding Camp Toilet Seat.
‘Taking care of your business has never been easier. Simply unfold and clip down the seat, attach a plastic waste bag. then sit back and away you go.’ Specifications don’t include a weight limit – slightly worrying for four grumpy old men. But it seems the least worst alternative.
But what about privacy? It might be all right for four old codgers to squat publicly in each other’s company. But what if the campsite has a bus-load of giggling eleven-year old girls? They may not appreciate the sight.
Well, for $15 you can equip yourself with the ‘Marquee’ portable privacy tent. ‘Instant popup design’.
What it doesn’t say is that it isn’t ‘instant pop-down design. You need the mind of Houdini, a First Class Honour’s degree in spatial aptitude and genuflecting and several hours to put it away!
There’s a technique, I’m sure, but reality demonstrated we haven’t yet mastered it. Maybe by Day 45…
By Day 45 our charity raising efforts will be coming to an end. We haven’t set off yet and there’s still time to raise awareness of the good work that The Smith Family, Mates4Mates, Onside and Combat Stress do for young people and for the veterans of both countries. So please help their work by sharing this story and the link with your friends and, if you can, contribute to this joint effort.